Opening up in intimacy

In the field of intimacy and sexuality we are experiencing and opening up in so many ways nowadays.
We have not really learned how to be sexual in a healthy way and so we are looking for it in tantra, at sexy parties, in couples clubs, in beautiful shibari, in bdsm, through intimacy and relationship coaches.

How do we get healthy intimate sexy relationships and be happy?
What will work for us?
What is this multiple full body orgasms some people have for hours? Is that possible through tantra only? Can you also experience this through ‘normal’ sex or kinky play?
Is sex a stairway to heaven and how can I reach this?

We come from a long history of sexual abuse and not knowing how to connect from the heart. If only we can relieve the hurt and pain that has been caused and is still caused by wrong use of sexuality!
The topic of boundaries is very important in this context, learning to say yes or no.
But how do we know a boundary, if we do not even know what we sense and feel?
We have not learned to really feel and express emotions and how to take care of ourselves in certain situations, let alone take care of the feelings and emotions of others.

We have learned NOT to feel the parts in ourselves that need nurturing, like grief, anger, anxiety, shame or guilt and these all have moved to our shadow, the parts in us we are not allowed to feel.
We have forgotten how to take care of ourselves, how to feel ourselves and how to feel the other. We just have not learned to welcome our emotions.

In various conscious forms of sexuality nowadays we learn to stay in the moment and allow everything to come up in the moment.
If we learn to take care of ourselves in the moment, be honest with ourselves and our patterns of greedy and neediness, really see ourselves and take responsibility for that, if we just learn to breath very deep in our bodies, we can learn to connect again from a space of authentic being.

What we need is to awaken ourselves and all our senses again and heal the shadow sides inside us, allowing everything to come up. Then when we allow all to come up, we realise the emotions are just temporarily.
For everybody this is different and even it differs every day.

Taking it all very slow is one way of connecting very beautiful and deeply.
Sometimes we will need to play around or speed up in order to wake our bodies and lift our spirits.
Other times we want to go really wild, restrain the body and have our hair pulled in order to be celebrated.
And this changes every day.
And for everybody this will be different.

For me allowing myself to feel everything has opened the door to the stairway.
Connect to myself and allowing myself to show everything from a space of vulnerability.
It took me a long time to feel safe in doing that.
Now I feel safe I am learning to love myself and others every day more

One thought on “Opening up in intimacy

  1. Hi Silvia,
    After a relation of more than 40 years, and a lucky marriage of 30 years, this all is finished for me. Back to myself. Kids are having their own good lives, and meanwhile I have.
    Everything you said is SO TRUEE. I feel this exploring. Thanks you for your efforts so far.
    Ton

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