Entering this new year I realize I still don’t love myself completely from deep within. Even though it is way better than it ever was and I have gone through so many layers of healing already.
First my grip on life was my personality or ego layer.
Thinking I was so smart, evolved, spiritual.
She was arrogant and told me, see we are better than them, we are so committed to the world, we see so much more, we are so holy.
But she was hiding in her iron tower, behind a hard layer of spiritual arrogance.
That part of me cracked open many years ago.
Then my scared little girl came out.
She was scared and told me see, we are not good enough, don’t know enough, others are so much more evolved, educated, on top of life… another ego layer.
Slowly I started showing myself, in big waves of yes I am going for it and no the world is a big scary place.
And in the bad times I used my old defense mechanisms.
My additions, trying to hide, trying to numb, focusing on others.
Slowly the waves of yes I am going for it getting more and more.
I tell myself, see I am a high priestess, I am my higher self, I am not my scared little girl, I am not my personality.
I love myself.
And although I could really feel how I love myself many of the times.
Telling myself I am this or that was also a way of giving myself an identity, a layer to protect myself.
And so I am stepping into just being.
No more hiding, no more focussing on others.
No more telling myself I am better or less.
Feeling every step of the way inside myself.
Every now moment.
Realizing that nothing around me is keeping me from self-love.
Realizing that no self-love in itself is my prison.